I Grant You Permission To Parent Differently Than Those Before You

I grant you permission to parent differently than those before you.

Yup I said it. I am granting you the permission, the free ticket, the space and guiltless opportunity to parent differently than those before you. Differently than your parents, than your grandparents. Differently than your aunt who helped raise you your whole life and most of all, differently than that judgey viejita at the food store telling you that a nice ol' spanking will get them right out of the meltdown stage. I am telling you that you HAVE THE RIGHT to do it differently, you can create a bond that honors respect, validation of feelings and raise incredible strong willed, confident, kind human beings.

I am saying this because as a first generation Latina mother I have found myself not feeling like I deserve the right to parent differently than those before me. And that I need to justify or prove something to those woman. Or actually, that I need their approval. But as I repair myself, and learn more about positive parenting, I realize that this is my journey, this is my right as a mother, and that these small humans chose me because I am everything they need. I may be far from perfect, and many may not agree with how I do things and get this, the gem that I have been working to uncover, THAT IS OK. I don't need to parent for an audience. Wow. That has been weighing heavy on my heart and it feels so good to say it.

So these words, this post, is my reminder to you, that you mama, have the right to do this in a way that is right for you and yours. Don't let the need for others approval change how you do things. Because our babies deserve better than that, they deserve us and this journey that we get to take together is pretty incredible. Let's be the person we want to be.

Resources I have found helpful (I will be creating a post with all of my resources soon!)

Big Little Feelings

Janet Lansburys No Bad Kids

Positive Discipline

Dr Becky Good Inside

xoxo

Natalie

Kids Talk: To Alarm or Not To Alarm

Well hey there,

It's the weekend!! And I am so happy I actually took the time to draft this blog post earlier this week, with unpacking and school and all the other stuff it has been hard as heck to make time for this but I have so much I want to share on this stage of life! First up some parenting stuff...

My Zoe is a 3rd grader! Holy crap! I feel like the pandemic sometimes went by so fast and so slow all at the same time and it really didn't feel like time was moving. Gosh that sounds nuts but so true. Zoe started in-person school two weeks ago and yes the anxiety that this brings has been insane but we are doing one day at a time, and thats it. Just get through one day and then we tackle the next one.

She even started taking the bus this last week. Which is mind blowing since all we had to do was walk a block to get to her school in NYC and now my baby takes a bus! I was hesitant but she has been craving the independence which in this case, we thought we would give her. And since her new school is quite close and she also has a couple very sweet friends (we lucked out with incredible neighbors) that take the same bus.

Now the struggle is that we have to be outside a lot earlier. Girlfriend HATES being woken up, no matter how slowly I try to do it, 90% of the time it's not so morning person Zoe that I am greeted with, so I have been contemplating getting her an alarm. (For age reference Zoe will be 8 in December and is a young 3rd grader because in NYC the cut offs are end of year for starting Kindergarten.)

I've talked to a few friends and there are some options for softer more "positive experience" type of alarms so I thought I would do a little research and try a couple of them. Here are some I have found.

Restore by Hatch

Hatch Rest Plus Sound Machine Night Light Time to Rise Audio Monitor

Wake Up Light

Wake Up Light Sunrise Alarm Clock

Kids Digital Alarm Clock, 7 Color Night Light, Snooze, Temperature Detect for Toddler

Kids Alarm Clock, With Facial Expressions

MELLA Ready to Rise Children’s Sleep Trainer Alarm Clock

Wake Up Clock

Mirari OK to Wake! Alarm Clock & Night-Light

Plumeet Large Digital LCD Travel Alarm Clocks with Snooze and Night Light

Lego Alarm Clock

Do your kids have alarms? Do they wake up for school on their own? And don't be fooled the girl is up at the crack of dawn on days she can sleep in, hahahaha but school days at 6:50 she is not happy to see me.

Other things that we are doing for more morning independence are:

-I check the weather and let her pick out outfits for the week (we check the weather every morning so we can make sure it's still appropriate because New England is tricky)...

-Make her bed (this is never perfect and I am ok with it) and straighten out her room before coming downstairs, dressed!

-Feed the dog. (most mornings, ha!)

-Make (if its her usual greek yogurt and granola) or serve herself her own breakfast! She picks how much she wants and I am trying to relinquish the control over what she eats.

-She gives me lunch box ideas that we keep on hand and she helps me make her lunch (once mornings are smoother I'll let her pack this before eating!)

-Check her folder for anything I may have forgotten.

-Pick her mask, mask chain and shoes for the day ( I love that she picks these things according to what she has that day!)

xoxox

Natalie

Life After The Pandemic: How I Will Support My Girls School Education From Home

I can sit here and list one million and two ways that the pandemic has negatively impacted so many different things but I won't. In my post-pandemic healing journey and I am really trying to ask myself what if I look at the positive side, not just flip it around but actually dig through and look at what I walked away with that makes me a better mother, wife, daughter, sister and friend. The girls education is one of those things that I can truly pull hard core positive facts that have made me a better mom to a school age kid. The ways I can know support my girls education from home is astronomically better. And let me tell you why.

I have a year and a half of listening to Z's classes, helping with classwork, mediating small groups on zoom, watching my child with her teacher and watching how she totally shrunk 3 times smaller when her classmates were wilding out (because we all know it happened, and happened often!). I got to watch what my daughter excelled at, struggled with and what she truly enjoyed. What a blessing that is!!! Seriously, to learn in her younger years these things and be able to support her. One example is with a math tutor, not because she was behind but because she didn't feel as confident in it. I've learned so much but the four biggest things that I know will allow me to support them both while they learn at school for years to come are these:

1. I want to keep in touch with teachers on what they are working on in school in each subject so that I can continue the learning at home. This may sound ludicrous to some but being able to continue her Bird Study this past spring as a family was so much for and a great learning experience for all of us. I plan on staying connected with teachers and keeping in the know on what they are learning to support her at home will be so important. (see below for the fun items I picked up for both girls "school room" and how I plan on hopefully having a space for this come Fall!)

2. Support and not penalize a child that feels less confident in one area. Ami was super uninterested in letters, like woe up around 3 and wanted nothing with the alphabet. And although Zoe is talented in math she is not confident in it, and would completely shut down when it wasn't one on one time. For a lot of parents it can be kids and reading, where they are either not interested or not confident or simply needing more support.

I found myself frustrated during distance learning but then I remembered an exercise I did in therapy years ago, writing down the things I was just not good at, and math being one of the first things on that list. We talked through why I felt I wasn't good at the things, and I remember mentioning to her my twin was always the math and tech guy and I was the reading and writing girl, how it was a label that was placed early on and it stuck (and was true in many cases!). As a mom during the pandemic I think back at that and I wonder what if I had done more than just get buy or be frustrated by it. What if I had gotten tutors or spent more time with the subject that I was less confident in? I want to remember to support, not label and penalize for things my girls are having trouble with or even just things that they have an internal block with.

3. Keep our daily scheduled slower paced and less packed. I think back to the pre-pandemic days where I ran errands in the city, ran to the girls activities, ran to pick up, ran to grab dinner stuff, ran to two after school activities + a playdate back to back and I am out of breath thinking about it. When I think about how packed a schedule can get with multiple kids in school, I realize how much I want to also support their down time. Giving us all time to slow down, to not rush through homework or projects, making time to sit together and decompress after a school day or at the end of the week.

I am going to work on saying no more, keeping after school activities limited, and absolutely no two birthday parties or activities for one child in a day. Pandemic living of sitting at the table with a puzzle, or finishing math assignments together, practicing reading or picking new read out louds that we read all afternoon because they are soooo good is how I hope to support the girls.

4. Know her schedule and help them organize/prepare for it. Ok this may sound insane fut Z's Kindergarten class I did not know what day science or art were, maybe I had to much on my plate and should have asked or maybe the school should have shared a schedule, either way it was always a little disappointing when she didn't have what she needed or didn't feel prepared for something. Pandemic life had me know for schedules, heck I got nightmares on not having supplies for science experiments! HAHAHA A big goal of mine is not only to know what the schedule is, posting it for the family but also teaching the girls to help in the organization that goes with being prepared.

For example, helping the girls put out clothes for the next day, by checking their schedule, and the weather. Another way is helping Zoe pack her backpack for the next day with things she needs. For us this means creating a checklist of what goes in and what she has to check to be prepared for the next day. ( I will talk more about age appropriate chores soon!) I hope that this not only helps us all be prepared and know what is going that week but tools that they will use for life. The independence and self sufficiency that goes into this is a HUGE life skill.

Have you thought about what PANDEMIC HABITS you will keep? Please share them, I'd love to round up some that you all are considering!

xoxo

Natalie