Mama Diaries: Just My Thoughts

Dear diary,

This mama has had a hard start to the year. Not because of anything tragic or big at all. More like just a whole lot of winter blues smooshed into the fact that I feel like it's a hamster wheel of a life, of clean this and that, cook, teach, wish for the something that I was meant to do, second guess myself and then start all over the next day, that I live.

Or maybe it's the lack of sleep I have had since Ami was born 5 years ago or the worry of life right now of living in a pandemic as a high risk family while everyone seems to have moved on. Or maybe it's the energy of the full moon, or simply that we have had such a drab, dark couple of months, I thrive off of that sunshine!

Sometimes, diary, I want to tell myself that it will get better, I mean my mantra is, THIS TOO SHALL PASS.

But cońo when the heck is that?

When will I be rested? When will I be doing something that inspires me? When will this itch of being creative, turn into something? When will this feeling of NOT BELONGING fade away? When will I have more help around the house? Does that all happen in the next stage of life? As the girls get older?

And then I think will I miss these days?

Will I miss the girls needing me SO much.

Will I miss homeschool, and how I get to be such a big part of their learning?

Will I miss these silly days of making reels that make me SO uncomfortable and making the time to share with other moms so that they are not so lonely? Will I miss all of this in the next chapter because life will be so different? Will I lose a sense of purpose that being a mom gives me when they get older? All of this is exhausting, yes, but it's also the reason that I have unfolded myself into this Natí... When the things I am wishing for come, will this version of me have to leave?

Diary, motherhood is such a complicated, insane, exhausting, and beautiful thing. It truly is but it is also isolating, and lonely which is what it's really felt like the last two years. Am I the only one feeling like this is more than I can handle?

Well rereading that all sounds like una locura. But maybe I am not the only one with the rambling thoughts and see saw of emotions of REALLY loving this job of motherhood but wishing for more. I can’t be the only one…

No need to worry though, for now I’ll do as my Birdie tells me, everyone has feelings, you can cry and just start over again tomorrow… And well that is just what I shall do.

Signing off, yours truly, Natí

(Mama Diaries is a series of posts that I started and stopped a while back where I could come and honestly unload with how ever I am feeling in hopes that one other mom doesn't feel alone. I hope you feel like we are having that cafesito together.)

Holidays At Home

Hi all!

We had such a wonderful holiday in our new home with a feeling of gratefulness like no other time. We may have had so much change (switched Zoe to homeschool because of the rise of Covid cases, not seeing family, no travel, house not finished being painted or hosting friends like we had wished) but we were with our mom’s, my sis and even my bonus daughter joined us. Most of all we were together as a family, creating a new set of memories.

Our month of acts of kindness was INCREDIBLE, we baked for neighbors, brought treats to Zoe’s teachers at school, adopted 4 families that we made Christmas magical for, delivered to the food pantry two times, paid for coffees in the drive thru, baked for Ami’s favorite garbage guy (she is obsessed with the truck!) and so many other small moments that honestly filled my heart, and best of all had the girls so excited. We teach not by talking but by doing and setting an example. I just know how hard the holidays were for my mom, a single mom and O’s parents some years with little money, so being able to give back with our girls is everything. We have promised to continue with acts of kindness every month, I will be sharing more on that later!

I am thinking of rounding up the gifts that were favorites for all of us, a post on my 2022 goals (and our family goals), homeschool curriculum and how we are approaching it plus so much more on that in the New Year. Maybe I’ll do goals first, since I am working on putting them on paper... Do you write out yearly goals? I find them so much more approachable than resolutions and a great task to do as a family. I like to write out big goals and then brainstorm on how we can achieve them by creating smaller goals for every month. It’s so fun to not only look back at them but to also hear what ur ladies consider goals!

Some of you may know I am taking a break on Instagram until the middle of January (more on that later) but I will keep posting here, and continue planning for this new chapter of the blog. I have also been posting on LTK since there are some great sales and we are shopping for home and organizing stuff. It’s nice to set intentional ATTENTION to things I want to make a priority and maybe it will stick…

I am wishing you all the best of the best and many more blessings. Thank you for being here and stay tuned for some NY goals!

xox

Natalie

I Grant You Permission To Parent Differently Than Those Before You

I grant you permission to parent differently than those before you.

Yup I said it. I am granting you the permission, the free ticket, the space and guiltless opportunity to parent differently than those before you. Differently than your parents, than your grandparents. Differently than your aunt who helped raise you your whole life and most of all, differently than that judgey viejita at the food store telling you that a nice ol' spanking will get them right out of the meltdown stage. I am telling you that you HAVE THE RIGHT to do it differently, you can create a bond that honors respect, validation of feelings and raise incredible strong willed, confident, kind human beings.

I am saying this because as a first generation Latina mother I have found myself not feeling like I deserve the right to parent differently than those before me. And that I need to justify or prove something to those woman. Or actually, that I need their approval. But as I repair myself, and learn more about positive parenting, I realize that this is my journey, this is my right as a mother, and that these small humans chose me because I am everything they need. I may be far from perfect, and many may not agree with how I do things and get this, the gem that I have been working to uncover, THAT IS OK. I don't need to parent for an audience. Wow. That has been weighing heavy on my heart and it feels so good to say it.

So these words, this post, is my reminder to you, that you mama, have the right to do this in a way that is right for you and yours. Don't let the need for others approval change how you do things. Because our babies deserve better than that, they deserve us and this journey that we get to take together is pretty incredible. Let's be the person we want to be.

Resources I have found helpful (I will be creating a post with all of my resources soon!)

Big Little Feelings

Janet Lansburys No Bad Kids

Positive Discipline

Dr Becky Good Inside

xoxo

Natalie